Tuesday, August 14, 2012

God Has Returned My Joy In Living

I am deeply indebted to those of you who have hung in there with me this past 2 1/2 years as I've ranted and cried and spouted off, revealing even the deepest feeling of what it was like for me to become an instant widow. While my friends didn't wish to talk about Jim and my family was hesitant to bring up his name, you were there for me, often sending me messages of hope, filled with kindness. I am so grateful for how you pulled alongside me in the darkest time I've ever had to walk through. Thank you for caring about me through this long time that the devastation inside me was so great, the Lord had to carry me through it.

I thought I would never come out of that dark valley of death. As much as I still miss Jim, I was ready to see the light again. But I couldn't find it. So two weeks ago, during my morning prayer time, I asked the Lord if I would ever be happy again. Would I ever again feel joy bubble up within me. Would my ready laugh ever come back. I prayed about it for a couple of days and one day last week, I actually felt something change inside me. I had thought God might return joy and peace and laughter in small increments. But that isn't what happened. Everything came back at once and all of it together.

I could feel joy inside me. I could feel laughter about to burst forth. I knew Jim would always be a part of me and I could remember him with delight, for he was and still is, the best friend I've ever had. I called my neighbor, asking if she'd like to come over for a bit. She did and as we sat and chatted, I questioned if she thought we could start our own quilting club. She informed me she knew some ladies who would like that and within a few days there were six of us meeting at my home.
Nurse Maryann cared for Jim for 3 years
before she left to join the Army. She is
in a medical unit headed for Kuwait.

My neighbor has long had a craft class in her home, so I began attending that. Then we heard that one of Jim's nurses, who had joined the army, was being deployed to Kuwait, so my neighbor and I put our heads together and adopted the platoon that she is now in charge of. We began asking friends and family if they'd like to be supporters and it's difficult to explain the speed with which things began rolling in. So far we have 2 big boxes full.

Although I've been avidly quilting since the '70s, I quit many years ago as Jim's Parkinson's disease progressed and he needed me more than the quilts did. So last week I signed up to take a class on quilting on a small machine. I've always sent my quilts out to be quilted because I didn't like the job of doing it myself. But woe, the budget no longer allows extravagances like that so I bit the bullet the am learning to do it myself.

All of this to tell you that my blog will still be here, but the tone will change and if you wish to still follow my journey of learning to walk alone, stay tuned. I'll tell you all about my quilts and, of course, my always present knitting. I'll let you know what I'm doing in craft class and how our collection of things to send the adopted platoon is shaping up.

I will probably tell you a joke or two, simply because I've always been a giggler. Both my sisters are gigglers too. And I confess right here that as grateful to God as I am for the return of peace and joy, I am exceedingly glad to be a giggler again. You know what the Bible says: "Laughter is medicine for the soul."

So now I end with a bit of a story that made me laugh. How glad I am for this brand new path.

At seventy now I've learned a lot of how things ought to be. Cause I remember how things were way  back in forty three.

Experience is a teacher stern and that's why I am smart. I've learned a bunch in all these years. What wisdom I impart.

I know just what our country needs to get it on the track to solve our economic woes and bring some good times back.

I've learned just how things should be done to simplify all tasks. I've good advice for everyone, but no one ever asks.

Blessings on you.

Thank you for being there for me all this time.



  1. I am so happy that your heart is healing. I do not pretend to know what you have gone through, I am not a widow. I do know though how hard it is not to have someone to talk to. I have had more than my share of hardships in life that family and friends either could not understand because they had not been though such difficult times, or were uncomfortable talking about. I had one "friend" tell me once, after asking how things were going, that it was too depressing for her to talk about my problems. After that I learned to put on a smile and pretend everything was fine, even when I was screaming inside. I know it is hard not to have people to talk to in real life and have found more support, in online strangers, than from my own family and friends. Sending prayers things continue to get easier. I know it has been a long hard road.

  2. I am so glad that you have found much needed support! It is why I turned to blogging. So that I can see my thoughts to understand them better and to get help too. I am so that that God has given you peace.